*Trigger warning: contains discussions of eating disorders.
Most people have done it… and love it!
Conversations about sex and masturbation are traditionally confined to whispers behind closed doors. Not anymore! Meet Abby Herrick.
*Cue Abby, pleasure positive sexual professional and owner and creator of Pleasure & Peach, bursting through said closed door with a vibrator and a diagram of the vulva in each hand.*
Pleasure & Peach is Abby’s life passion, and her expertise and empowering message of pleasure positivity and self-care is changing the lives of women across Newcastle.
Stripping away the societally imposed shame around sex and replacing it with respectful and educational conversations, Abby is slowly, but surely, turning the tables on pleasure positivity and equality.
In this edition of The Everyday Project, Abby allows us into some of the most intimate aspects of her life, generously sharing her life experiences as a tool to inform and normalise sex.
Nurturing Growth
At the time of this interview Abby was literally nurturing growth. She was in her final trimester of pregnancy with her second daughter, Sunny, who came into the world in mid-April (keep scrolling for cute baby pics!).
When Abby spoke about growing up in a single parent home with her younger brother, she got emotional, but in a good way. She blamed her tears on pregnancy hormones, but we get it, mothers are a guiding light.
“My mum taught me that you can do anything as a woman and that your gender doesn’t stop you from doing anything.
“She’s my gal,” Abby said wiping away happy tears.
Abby went on to describe her high school experience at Hunter School of Performing Arts as a ‘little love bubble’. It was an inclusive, diverse and accepting environment that helped shaped her passions in life.
Growing up in this accepting environment was overshadowed by a multitude of societal pressures.
In her late teens and early twenties Abby struggled with her own self-acceptance and severe anxiety and an eating disorder crept into her life.
“Even though my mum was an amazing influence, unfortunately your mum doesn’t have control over pop culture, the media, all of your friends, and hearing other women speak poorly about themselves,” Abby said.
Learning to hate and love
Abby is now endlessly passionate about nurturing self-love, in herself and others. Decoding the normalisation for women to hate their bodies is a tedious and lengthy process but it’s also an extremely important one.
“I’ve worked in retail for women’s clothing for a long time. It’s happens so often, women putting on clothes in the change room then saying something awful about themselves.
“I don’t judge her for having those thoughts. We’re constantly bombarded with societal and patriarchal messaging around our bodies and pleasure.
“I see where it comes from and I have empathy for them, but it still impacts everyone who’s hearing it and starts to normalise it,” she said.
It was Abby’s first sexual experience that was ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’.
“It was at the end of high school. I was with someone who felt entitled to comment on my body in a negative way.
“I didn’t have the critical thinking to say, ‘fuck you’. It got me at a vulnerable time in my life where I thought that ‘because he said it, then it must be true’.”
Looking back on these experiences Abby is incredibly proud of how far she has come. It’s wasn’t a matter of one day waking up in the morning, looking herself in the mirror and saying, ‘I love my body’. For Abby body acceptance is a huge thing to achieve and she’s grateful to be looking in the mirror today and saying to herself, ‘this is good.’
“My message is that you can get there, and you can love yourself. Don’t think that society has trapped you forever.”
It was around this time, after high school and in the process of finding herself, when Abby started her psychology degree. Her passion for women’s mental health and women’s experiences collided during a subject on human sexuality.
“At the time I wasn’t confident and empowered in my sexual experiences. I had grown up in a culture and society where things like masturbation was something you don’t talk about, especially if you’re a girl (even though it’s completely normal, healthy and a wonderful thing).
“The combination of sexuality with psychology really spoke to me. I knew that I can be helping others overcome what I went through, which felt amazing.”
And it all blossomed from there.
Pleasure & Peach
After her psychology degree, Abby wanted to continue on to study a Masters in Sexology. Devastatingly, plans fell through and Abby felt eminently lost.
Searching for ways to utilise her degree as she sat on the couch with her first daughter, Juniper, the idea of Pleasure & Peach popped into her head. A fire was lit.
“I’ve got the research, I’ve got the knowledge, I’ve got the passion. I’m going to make it work for me.
“I think I boxed myself in to being that one thing, a sex therapist. But then I realised I could make it work in a different way that still is empowering for women and in a way that I am really passionate about.”
Pleasure & Peach is a place where art, education, self-care and sex come together.
Abby believes that we are all entitled to proper sex education inclusive of pleasure, and accurate information about our sexual anatomy.
It’s about solo and partnered sex play and chat, with and without sex toys. It’s about finding and embracing orgasms, acknowledging and mitigating painful sex, nurturing equality and diversity, and so much more.
“I’m afraid that people are going to be put off by what I do and say, ‘we don’t talk about sex!’. But the majority of people have said, ‘oh thank god someone is doing this and talking about it!’.
“I feel that women get a lot of relief when realising that it’s okay to talk about it,” Abby said.
“When you’ve got someone, who talks about it openly, confidently and respectfully, people feel comfortable in the conversation.”
The conversation is changing, and the sex industry along with it. There are now more women coming to the table and leading the way, particularly in the pleasure product industry.
“The pleasure product industry used to be viewed through the male gaze. Now products are beginning to be designed and made for vulva owners.
“The industry is changing to be so much more inclusive. Larger spaces have been created for trans people, non-binary people as well and disabled people.
“Also, there are more products that are not only pleasure based but are wellness tools helping people who experience painful sex,” Abby explained.
“Pleasure & Peach is my life’s passion and hearing that it’s impacting other women’s lives and making their sex life and pleasure better is so powerful.”
“For my daughters
Do you wish that you could go back and give advice to your younger self? Abby’s reflective message is one of shamelessness and self-exploration.
“I wish I could go back and say, ‘the clitoris, please learn about her!’
“I also would tell my younger self that my pleasure matters as much as my partners pleasure and that communication is a hugely important key in having great sex,” Abby said.
“You are not a passive participant in your own pleasure. We are active and we are equal.
“Oh, and please don’t fake orgasms, you deserve real ones.”
Now raising two daughters, Abby’s mission and message becomes more poignant as it reaches new generations.
The next generation will have more resources, and parents like us reading blogs like this about people like Abby, to have respectful and informative conversations about body image and sex.
“When I look in the mirror after having a shower and drying myself, I can say, ‘I look really nice today’ and model speaking kindly to myself around my daughters.
“I want her to grow up thinking that’s normal – to be conscious of how she speaks about herself and views herself.”
Home
Describing her experience in Newcastle as ‘welcoming’, Abby has made an irreversible peach-shaped mark on the community.
Through collaborations and opportunities with local businesswomen and female business creatives, Pleasure & Peach has found a home in Newcastle.
“We create amazing things when we work together on collaborations. I love how women collab, we lift each other up. It makes me so excited!”
Personally, Abby’s home is with her family.
“My home is my husband and my daughters. Wherever they are, I am home.
“Newcastle, I feel so grounded here. Everything about here feels right. I’ve come home to roost.”
For more information about Pleasure & Peach you can visit her website or follow her on Instagram.
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